You Should Not be Surprised If You Go to Jail If…

This man is confused.  (No actual likeness known to any real person, especially not current or former client(s).) He’s suddenly found himself behind bars but he’s not sure what, in the world, he’s done!

We don’t like for people to be confused so, for your reference and use, here are some situations we’ve run across/heard of in a bar/maybe seen on t.v. where a body should maybe not be so surprised to wake in jail:

-If there are red and blue lights behind you and you yell “WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO” and hit the gas. (Okay, that one I saw in a movie, but it happens.)

-Urinating. In. Public.

-If you have recently committed a very obvious crime and the police have been sitting outside of your house for a week*.

-If a JO politely requests that you wait calmly while your attorney attempts to work out a deal and you look at the judge and say: “F**k YOU!”

-If you get into a fist fight in the courtroom. (Seriously dude, tuck and roll, that Sheriff will pull the other party off of you in just a tick...)

-Being “animated” and not the charming kind.

-If you didn't show up to court because you: had a warrant/fled the jurisdiction/didn't want to pay.

-If you tell a JO that you don’t intend to “agree” to anything that happens in his/her courtroom.

-If you don’t pay your child support. For a year. **

-Disrespect a JO

-Disrespect court staff.

-Disrespect another attorney or court staff in front of a JO.

-Any variation on the themes above. 

I don’t look good in orange, so I do my best to avoid these situations.  If you dig orange/black and white horizontal stripes (nobody looks good in that)/a weird khaki color and eating cheese sandwiches please feel free. However, I hear out of county food is better… it’s a rumor, but I feel pretty confident it is true.

On a completely unrelated note – When did 40 degrees become summer?  Good glory it is a B.E.A.U.tiful day outside! 

*“IMPD Surveillance Van” and “IMPD Surveillance Van – Guest” showing up as wireless options on your ipad for a week are a reasonable tip off.

**There have been recent reports of a man “going to jail for paying too much child support”.  I’ve seen the news clips and I’ve read the articles and I feel pretty confident that he was not sent to jail “for paying too much child support”.  My clues which lead me to that conclusion are as follows: article states that man “walked out of courtroom after being found in contempt”, the fact that he scrambled to pay $3K right before the hearing to get “all paid up” and my general courtroom experience.  Let me say this, if you are sent to jail in one of the counties in which we frequently practice, and you have paid AS ORDERED, see one of the other above reasons as to why you may have landed in a jumpsuit.